kaebe

 Last night I had what might have been the most horrific one I've ever had. A lot of it was run-of-the-mill, and included anxieties about tabling at my first con in January, but...

( Godawful triggery nightmare with body horror and mentions of trauma  )

So I've been a mess all day. All I could manage was playing Stardew Valley, until Y massively startled me and was very flippant and dismissive about it. I wound up shaking and crying and needing Z for a good while to calm down enough to make it back to the couch. I was super dizzy. I couldn't calm down, so he got me a lorazapam. It's helping, but mostly I want to just cry. Part of me wants to retreat to bed, but now I'm afraid of bed and sleep...again. I had just gotten that fear calmed down literally two days ago.

I needed to write this out, even though I really really didn't want to. Now I can go back to trying to forget it ever happened. We're going out to Michael's and Costco now, so hopefully the medicine will help me stay calm until we get back home.